I will be; what I want not what you expect me to be!!!
You have to accept me for who I am.
A problem that prevails in many families of South Asia is that a hell lot of things are expected from girls. Families and people around them want the girls to behave in a certain way, live a certain life, do a particular job or have a typical behavior, even if the girl might want something else. With the birth of baby girl, the parents become so cautious that they start treating her differently from the beginning as if she came from an outer space and is an alien. Parents and family start expecting a lot from her and impose a lot of restrictions.
If a girl child asks for permission to join children playing in street or in some ground nearby, she will be told that girls are not allowed to jump around in open spaces like in parks or grounds and cannot take part in playing activities outside the house. They are emphasized better not to play but as being a child when she starts crying she is told,”If you really want to play then play inside the boundary walls of the house”. I think this is a standard response in most of the families in South East Asia. ‘Inside the house, inside the house’, this is what rings in her head continuously.
Little girls are often surprised and even do not understand when they are given not so good or less food than their brothers. Often they are not served with food with the boys to eat, priority is always given to the boys. The saddest thing is until now the girls are not even allowed to disagree with the behavior or complain about the discriminating behavior against them. Some examples of discriminating behavior from society are;
Some examples of gender discrimination:
If any elder from the family buys something from the market, the brother will always have the preference to have the things of his choice first and then the parents fulfill the girl’s wish.
When it comes to education, the boys will study in better schools and girls will be sent to an average school, mostly government schools with no fees.
When it comes to the choice of subjects again the same notice, “You can not choose yourself”. Parents decide, which subject the girls will take as major in studies. I am teaching girls and boys from the last ten years and I come across many females students during my service who tell me that they never wanted to take the subject they are studying and their parents just forced them to take this subject.
When it comes to the choice of the career, the parents will give full rights to the boys to work in the field of their choice but for girls but once again the same behavior jumps in, “No, no, how you can think about it? You do not know that this field is not for the girls at all. No one will marry you if you will choose this field “!!!
Why not ??? Can anyone answer me???
When Allah is the Creator and He created both baby girl and boy with the same phenomenon. Both
girls and boys have the same surname. Both breath, talk, walk and live in the same way and when both are the humans then why is this gender discrimination here? Why does this society not allow girls to do what they want, to take the profession of their choice, to talk the way they want and with whom they like? Isn’t it the gender discrimination and why we are having this discrimination?
When it comes to the choice of life partner, once again family will decide who is best for the girls, but boys can choose any girl to marry and parents will support him in every possible way to marry the girl of his choice.
My Point on the marriage of a girl:
My point here is not that the females should go and marry whom they want. I strongly believe it will disturb the equilibrium in the society especially in our Muslim society. In fact, it is not allowed according to Islam for the girls to go and marry on their own. I believe that girls can be in trouble sometimes. What I want to say is, at least they should be able to exercise the right given to them by their religion. Girls must be allowed to meet, see, talk then accept or reject any proposal depending upon, if she likes or does not. If she is not willing, she must not be forced into that marriage.
Normally what happens in our society in South-East Asia, if the girl’s parents want some boy as their son-in-law, their will, will be imposed on the girl straight away. No body pays a second thought if boy has his own choice for the marriage and the couple is happily married with allthe support and pryaers of the parents, why not when its the case with the female.
The consequences are far more worse than we can imagine, as this gender discrimination affects not one girl, but the whole society and the future generations.
If you are treating young girls with discrimination, how they can be confident enough to face the world tomorrow? They will lack many features in their personality. The way our general behavior is deteriorating and the ever increase in the number of problems is just because we are not giving our girls the right to grow and flourish as they want so they can bring forth and prepare a good nation in future. I just wonder when finding no hope from anywhere at all if the girl try to break the chains of this discriminating behavior and run far away from the home or do some harm to her life, who will be responsible? Why we can not break double standards in our life? How family specially parents can discriminate between their kids that is their blood?
Change in Air:
Apart from this discriminating behavior, I feel that the change is in the air. I am happy that this typical mentality of many rural areas is continuously changing and there are many families who do not have such situation at their homes. Now many families consider their baby doll as a human and try to bring her up with the confidence, they try to provide her with equal opportunity in life like boys. I think this change is only because of the education.
If you are a westerner then maybe you do not understand the need of this post but I want to be voice of many females from my region who are deprived of many basic rights of their life that are taken as for granted in west.
I will request all parents to treat baby doll as human and give her a right to LIVE and live confidently and independently. Give her at least some space to express herself, to speak her own mind. Then see what wonders she does in life, you will be surprised to see her strength and courage. She really is a shining star and do not be a black cloud in front of her, give her a clear sky and let her take the charge and lighten the world with her vision and ideology.
The treatment towards girls always left me wondering , “Who Actually Owns their Life???? She or you or they !!!!”
I always read or come across people saying, ” I hate my Life. ” I strongly believe that I am not one of them, ” I love my Life even being a female.” I just wanted to live my life as I want it. I am happy that I was given right to my life and I thank my parents specially my mother, who gave me confidence to go in world and fight for my life. She trusted my qualities, that I did not know at that time.
I just beg to people who still discriminate between their boys and girls, please give her a chance and right on her Life. You can simply assist or guide her, when she will ask you, no interference beyond that.
For sure every girl just want to be one that she wants. I do not want you to snap your finger (you want it that way) and make her do what you want – nor would she want it to be like that.
Anyway, the point is, for her life you try to be the thinker, talker and she is the doer. Why not give her a chance to think and do for herself? I do not want you to push her in future, I want her to adapt better to the future.
Being a female, I do not want to just survive in the world , I want to live my life and live it happily.
Can I get a chance to be HAPPY with the success that I want from the bottom of my heart?
Please do not expect from me to be someone, who I am not!